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Wishes

What do I wish for myself?  Do I wish my life undone?  The pain, those awkward moments. Could I have done without my tears, those scars? Could I have done without the humiliation, the shame? What if the hanged, the rubber belt or the loneliness did not exist What if the brutal violation hadn’t occurred Sadistic men with their own agendas  An ignorant man clever with words Torturing my insides in seemingly never ending waves Would I be a flat person, like a sheet of white paper? All smooth and without crinkles, without darkness Would I be able to find myself Would I be able to swim, to dance, to create  If I had my life undone  Would the darkness be so dark Would I be able to find my way  Pick up the torch to see the exit Would I be able to write this now